


Supervillain Sweetheart

by trashsshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cops vs. Mobsters, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mob Boss Kim Minseok | Xiumin], Police Officer Kim Junmyeon | Suho, side!kaibaek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23427070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashsshi/pseuds/trashsshi
Summary: Junmyeon is part of the police team assigned to nab the notorious Ivory Fangs. Junmyeon also happens to be married to Kim Minseok, known among his mob brethren as Xiumin, leader of the Ivory Fangs.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	Supervillain Sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zvirk77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zvirk77/gifts).



There are perks to being married to Kim Minseok, who under the infamous alias ‘Xiumin’ is the leader, the Last Boss if you will, of the Ivory Fangs. For one, Junmyeon calls him ‘Hyungnim’ in bed and it’s a lot of fun because it riles Minseok up until he’s a pot boiling over. A mafia boss flamethrowing. Minseok often says ‘Fuck the police!’ and it is nothing personal, just a generic banality like ‘Fuck this weather’- muttered by Junmyeon morosely when he has to do a stakeout during a thunderstorm, for instance. But in bed, when Junmyeon pants, “You’re fucking the police,” it is the most potent dirty talk he could ever concoct in that horny head of his, and Minseok rams into him satisfyingly hard, suddenly more a raving, ravenous beast than usual. Junmyeon likes it when he goes hard, fast, rough; it’s exactly like a real-life supervillain would fuck, and Minseok is supposed to be a real-life supervillain (never mind that when they’re running out of marshmallows he always plops the last ones into Junmyeon’s cocoa and packs him a stack of like, three lunchboxes because Junmyeon is called away on police assignments at all odd times of the day). It has always been Junmyeon’s hottest fantasy to be fucked hard by a real-life supervillain, and his dreams have come true.

This notorious mafia ring with operations spanning China and South Korea has had many tales spun around it, and there are reddit threads in which people have written the equivalent of their masters thesis about why the Ivory Fangs are but an urban legend. There are other endless threads which passionately argue that the Ivory Fangs are a police conspiracy- that the police invented the Ivory Fangs just to give the appearance that they’re working towards nabbing criminals. Others believe that the Ivory Fangs are real, but the people the police are going after aren’t actually part of the Ivory Fangs, they’re scapegoats. A small section believes that the police and the Ivory Fangs are actually pals; either because of corruption or because the police believe the Ivory Fangs can help them eradicate the other mafia rings across Asia. This section anticipates the day that the Ivory Fangs are the only mob left, for then there would be an inevitable and probably legendary showdown between the Ivory Fangs and the police: who would betray whom first? “Damn, this guy has used game theory to predict how the showdown will go,” says Junmyeon; not that he understands any of it. Junmyeon enjoys reading this stuff out to Minseok while he crochets every evening. It highly amuses both of them.

For all these pluses, there are a few minuses: Junmyeon can’t tell his friends that Minseok’s biggest turn on is fucking the police, even though he doesn’t want to be the only one to laugh about it; this is because Junmyeon and Minseok don’t have any common friends. Minseok’s friends are all people he got acquainted with in his Xiumin persona, and Junmyeon’s friends are all coworkers- the friends they’re close to now, that is. Minseok kind of ended up avoiding the ‘innocent civilian’ type of friends he had before, because “What if they’re put in danger due to me being the mob boss of all mob bosses?”

“What about me?” pouts Junmyeon.

“You’re a cop,” scoffs Minseok. “You can’t seriously expect me to worry about you.”

It’s their little joke. They can’t share it with anyone since Junmyeon avoided all the friends he had before, simply because he wouldn’t be able to keep them at a distance the way he can his coworkers. He doesn’t want anyone visiting him in his house only to stumble on Minseok’s collection of crochet needles on one side and his collection of knives on the other. (The crochet needles have been used to make the chunky sweaters they wear at home, but have also served other more sinister purposes. And Minseok wields the knives wonderfully in the kitchen… Xiumin wields them just as skillfully elsewhere.)

Hey, there’s no need for that reaction of vehement disgust; they disinfect all the tools as a rule. 

And while the versatile ways in which these tools are utilized wouldn’t be readily apparent to an outsider, why take risks? In a similar vein, Junmyeon thinks the fewer people who know Minseok’s face, the better. They won’t connect his face to Xiumin’s persona, for Xiumin hasn’t done a face reveal yet, much to the frustration of netizens and police alike; but again, why take risks? Minseok agrees with him.

Apart from not being able to enthrall audiences at parties with their hilarious and inappropriate couple stories, there’s another downside: the delicate matter of Junmyeon’s team being in charge of hunting down the Ivory Fangs.

Take today’s project as an example: Junmyeon’s team has gotten intelligence that the Ivory Fangs are going to meet the Sharktooth Shadows, a Chicago gang that apparently is trying to branch across Southeast Asia. They’ll meet in a bunch of empty warehouses at the outskirts like in the movies, but Junmyeon’s first worrisome thought is that the Sharktooth Shadows are on a different scale. They’re in all the white people’s countries, proving to those white people who thought it was coloured people who did gang stuff that it was also white people doing gang stuff, but, as is typical of white people, they didn’t have strict codes of honour, even if loyalty was as important to them as any gang. Just like the Pilgrims or whoever the fuck gave smallpox-infested blankets to Native Americans to wipe them out, the Sharktooth Shadows played the dirtiest of all the mobs. 

Oh, and if you’re wondering how Junmyeon’s team got tipped, they obviously have moles in the Ivory Fangs. The Ivory Fangs also have moles in the police. Maybe there are double agents- actually, that’s highly probable. But Junmyeon and Minseok have a don’t ask-don’t tell policy about moles. It’s all about keeping their private and professional lives separate. 

“So word is that Xiumin himself will be there, because while this is presented as negotiating a collaboration of sorts, you know as well as I do that the Shadows don’t co-inhabit with any other in an area. Two mobs move not in the same sphere et cetera,” says Jongdae, the head of their team. “The Ivory Fangs will be well aware that the Shadows' long-term goal is monopoly. But they’ll have no choice but to go along with the guise of negotiations. We don’t have to worry about the Shadows at all, ignore them; just know that this means Xiumin will definitely be there.” Junmyeon surreptitiously eats a mochi from his lunchbox. He's supposed to eat them at the end, as dessert. Minseok says sweet things take the edge off one's appetite. But what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Yixing raises his hand, piping up, “Why shouldn’t we care about the Shadows, sir?”

"They haven’t actually committed any crimes here so far. They’re wanted in other countries, but it’s not our headache, and since we’ve yet to nab our very own, home-grown Ivory Fangs, I don’t think we should bite off more than we can chew,” Jongdae says. “They’re only going to send the low-ranking guys who do grunt work to this meeting, so even if we called backup and caught them, we wouldn’t be of much help either to ourselves or to the countries that are after the Shadows. Moving on. These are all the sightings of Xiumin we’ve managed to capture on camera. Even if we can’t catch anyone else today-” Chanyeol snorts at his low expectations and lack of faith, Jongdae has never been one for pep talks- “we have to catch him. Focus on him. Okay, guys?”

They all have photocopies of the pictures in front of them. Jongin flicks through them with a pronounced pout. “None of these have his face.”

“He has never shown his face,” says Jongdae patiently.

“Why’s he always wearing those bank robbery masks when he isn’t even robbing banks?” whines Jongin, to laughter all around. Junmyeon finds it especially hilarious.

“Bet he’s ugly,” adds Jongin in a mumble. Junmyeon thinks that’s decidedly not funny. At all. Made in poor taste. Oh, if only Jongin knew that Xiumin has the prettiest baby face that he’s insecure about because he thinks his face should be intimidating given his role and stature. If only Jongin knew that Xiumin wears bank robbery masks because otherwise he’d be too cute to be intimidating. Junmyeon itches to tell him, itches to tell the whole congregation, because he wants to laugh and coo about it with his friends, but he can’t. So he sits mum and simmers while they all exchange speculations about how Xiumin must be disfigured from battle wounds under the mask, or else born ugly.

Jondae raps on the table and everyone finally turns their attention back to him. “We can’t fuck this up,” says Jongdae. “Remember, leave the Shadows well alone, and nab Xiumin.”

That’s really fucking unfair, thinks Junmyeon, but he knows better than to argue. 

~

They go to the warehouse, complete with bulletproof vests and loaded rifles. It’s a piece of cake to surround both the gangs, they’re standing in semicircles facing each other and Jongdae’s team are able to tell immediately who the Sharktooth Shadows are. Spoiler: they’re the unfamiliar ones.

Junmyeon’s team knows the Ivory Fangs well, even if it’s difficult to keep track of all the unimportant underlings; Xiumin has a couple of right-hand men that they have thick files and extensive personal memories on, and said men are flanking Xiumin right now. Next to him is D.O, real name unknown, who does all his most dangerous work for him. “The only thing he isn’t good at is gunning people down,” Xiumin once told Junmyeon. “Cause he’s kinda shortsighted.” And that’s kinda cute, even if he’s a mofo, thinks Junmyeon, watching D.O. blink his huge eyes in his small face.

On Xiumin’s other side is Baekhyun. Baekhyun should be known to all gangs by now, known and noted. And he is- Baekhyun has widespread notoriety- yet he simply dyes and styles his hair differently and tries a variation of his eyeliner and he is able to infiltrate any gang under the sun. One of his signature smirks, one sway of his admittedly curvy hips and one crook of his admittedly pretty finger and, as he phrases it, “They’re willing to sacrifice their empires to get a taste of this sweet ass.” Minseok has told Junmyeon some vivid stories about Baekhyun’s successes. Once, the boss of the Bronze Skulls was left without a penny to his name (every penny had been transferred to Xiumin’s deep pockets) and all this once mighty boss could mourn was that Baekhyun had never really been his: “All I wanted to do,” he reportedly sobbed, holding a pair of Baekhyun’s lace tights, the only bit of him he left behind, “all I wanted to do was count his moles and then lick from one to the other like connect-the-dots.” Baekhyun is indeed formidable.

Junmyeon isn’t surprised that Xiumin has both his most valued underlings by his side at this meeting, given that it’s a meeting with the most powerful mafia gang of the western world who want to eventually take all Xiumin’s pennies for their own. The way several members of the Shadows are eyeing Baekhyun makes it clear that he’s the perfect distraction. As a matter of fact, Jongin has his mouth open staring at Baekhyun with his cocked hip and glossed lips and bared midriff as if he hasn’t seen Baekhyun like this a million times before. They’ve run into the guy practically every time they’ve been assigned a gang to nab, and yet Jongin is reduced to a gormless idiot every time he sights the honey trap. Junmyeon gives Jongin a hard nudge with the butt of his rifle, and that seems to do the trick. Jongin swallows very hard and then studiously trains his rifle on Xiumin as though he intends to keep his gaze trained on him too. And he does. For a while.

Now that these mob fellows are all surrounded, Jongdae yells at them to put their hands up. They do, and for some reason Baekhyun crosses his wrists above his head, and then Jongin is a gormless idiot once again, blushing with his mouth open, no doubt imagining some lewd kinky shit. Junmyeon jabs him with the rifle butt again and hisses, “You’re not gonna get to handcuff Baekhyun, so stop with the fantasizing. We only gotta catch Xiumin.”

Jongin’s naturally pouty-puffy lips pout extra deep. “I wouldn’t want to hurt his wrists with our handcuffs, hyung. I have fluffy ones at home. Why do the police have such hurty handcuffs, hyung? We should have fluffy ones too so that we don’t hurt-”

Junmyeon grits out, “You’re really thinking about this right now? Petition for police handcuffs to be made fluffy? You’re supposed to be thinking about cuffing Xiumin, not cuffing Baekhyun.”

Jongin bites his puffy-pouty lower lip. “At least if I arrested him I’d get a chance to talk to him,” he says gloomily. “But I wouldn’t want him to be in jail. It’s a rough place for someone like him.”

Junmyeon’s disbelief intensifies when Jongin adds, “It’s not his fault everyone falls in love with him. He’s stuck in a dark underworld and he’s just trying to survive, hyung,” and then softly, almost to himself, “I’d save him if I could, and then I’d fill the rest of his days with sunshine.”

“Stop being a sap and concentrate on the mission, Jongin,” snaps Jongdae. 

“It’s highly improbable that Byun Baekhyun, honey trap extraordinaire, would ever notice you when you’re not even a drug lord,” Chanyeol chips in.

As if in defiance, Baekhyun chooses that moment to catch Jongin’s eye, wink and say sweetly, “Can I lower one of my hands, officer? I just want to send you a flying kiss.”

Jongin yelps and drops his rifle. Then suddenly one of the Shadows, evidently seething with hatred for Jongin not just because he’s a cop but because Baekhyun flirted with him, whips out a gun and fires a shot right at his head. Jongin ducks, and Jongdae fires at the Shadows guy, and then the Ivory Fangs are flourishing guns too, and everyone is trying to shoot before they’re shot.

Jongdae yells, “Shoot, Myeon! Shoot him! He’s right in front of you!” and by reflex, Junmyeon shoots. And misses on purpose, because he has never fired at Xiumin and actually hit him. A bullet darts by very close to Junmyeon’s ear and Xiumin curses, taking a step towards him. Junmyeon is still firing, panicked and off-kilter, and he hits an underling and then- Xiumin.

Xiumin flinches and falls, clutching his shoulder, and D.O. hoists him up on his back and flees, turning back to shoot at possible pursuers every few steps. The unimportant underlings shield their getaway, firing at everyone who tries to follow them. Junmyeon’s team is stuck, and Jongdae is cursing like a sailor- good thing it can’t be heard above the gunfire. Junmyeon is trying very hard not to cry, and when Yixing claps him briefly on the shoulder, Junmyeon realises they think he’s on the verge of tears because he let Xiumin get away. If only they knew it’s because he shot his precious Minseok, his husband, his love, his supervillain sweetheart. He’ll never forgive himself for lodging a bullet in Minseok’s beautiful bicep, he’s gonna start a petition for the police to have bullets that aren’t hurty-

A bunch of the Shadows suddenly sprint towards them, and in the confusion Junmyeon can’t wallow in his guilt anymore. They barrel right through the police formation, chasing Jongin, and Junmyeon can’t understand why- but then he sees that Jongin is carrying Baekhyun in his arms and legging it out of there with no mind for the mission. Baekhyun’s fluffy head surfaces over Jongin’s shoulder every once in a while, as well as the mouth of Jongin’s rifle, as Baekhyun merrily shoots at nobody in particular. Just to clear the way for their bolt for freedom, Junmyeon supposes.

“Jongin, you motherfucking minger I hope you stub your toe in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom and pee your pants because a tree tapped on your window and fall into a tub of lard you slimy sonofabitch!” Jongdae screams after them, all in one breath, ignoring the bullets raining around him. 

~

In a nutshell, the mission failed. “You almost got him,” says Jongdae sadly to Junmyeon, which is how it always goes. They almost catch Xiumin, but not quite. Junmyeon would like to keep it that way. The reason Junmyeon regards this particular mission as a failure is because he shot his supervillain sweetheart in the shoulder. He is never going to hear the end of _this_ particular mishap.

Junmyeon returns home with dragging steps, wishing he could take his Minseokie to the hospital and knowing he can’t because the police always get involved in gunshot wounds and his Minseokie will have to rely on his underlings to remove the bullet and clean and dress the wound and Junmyeon is worried sick-

“So you have the gall to come here, eh?” says his Minseokie, with a glare that is compounded by a glare from D.O. His Minseokie has his upper arm stiffly bandaged and all his blankets, throw pillows, and plushies in attendance.

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Junmyeon, shame weighing on him like the albatross around that mariner’s neck in that poem. “I live here.”

Minseok scoffs. D.O. rolls his big eyes.

“Um. What is he doing here?” asks Junmyeon, pointing to D.O.

“Needed someone to take care of me, duh,” says Minseok. “Couldn’t exactly rely on you after you _shot_ me, could I?”

“I’m sorry,” mumbles Junmyeon miserably, “I didn’t mean to.” He stares anxiously at Minseok’s bandaging but is afraid to approach him, even though he wants to hold him so badly, he wants to put bunny stickers on the cast even though they’ll be white on white and won’t show up, just because it might make Minseok smile.

Minseok is silent, stony. D.O. is cooking up a storm in the kitchen and Junmyeon hates it because it’s _their_ territory and this is the first time either of them have brought an outsider home. Junmyeon is mature enough to realise that jealousy isn’t going to help him in this situation, however, so he meekly says, “Um. How was your day at work?”

“You fucking shot me, that was my day at work,” says Minseok calmly, with a chilling smile. “Nothing else notable happened at work. How was your day? Oh wait- I don’t care.”

That does it. Junmyeon’s lip wobbles. “I-I didn’t shoot you on purpose! I was aiming to miss you but _you_ decided to move! It’s actually your fault, you shouldn’t have moved!”

“My fault?” Minseok clutches the armrest with his good hand, and Junmyeon tries not to get distracted by his veins and knuckles. Resentful thoughts only, Junmyeon reminds himself, no horny ones. “My fault? I wouldn’t have gotten shot if you didn’t fucking shoot me, Junmyeon, do you really need me to compute this for you?”

“I keep telling you I didn’t mean to shoot you. I love you, why the fuck would I shoot you?” yells Junmyeon.

“Why would you shoot me? Are _you_ asking _me_? I don’t know why you’d shoot me either! But you fucking did!”

D.O. shuffles back into the living room carrying a large dish of japchae. “Shut up and eat,” he orders, and they do, and the japchae is good, Junmyeon grudgingly acknowledges. After they finish eating, Minseok says, “Sorry Junmyeonie. I think I was just hangry.”

“Fuck you,” says Junmyeon softly, and then, with shining eyes, “I love you.”

“I love you too, and I’m thinking of wearing that bullet as a pendant. Or would that be too much of a giveaway?”

Junmyeon blushes. “I don’t think anyone would connect something like that back to me.”

~

As aforementioned, the mission failed, but after a vitriolic lecture from Jongdae their lives continue on as normal. Well, except for Jongin. Jongdae isn’t petty enough to fire Jongin, so he’s just suspended for a couple of weeks, but Jongdae _is_ petty enough to try to get an arrest warrant for Baekhyun. Unfortunately for Jongdae, Baekhyun has always played smart and insidious. He didn’t break any laws, just a lot of gangster hearts. Killing with kindness, he agrees to be a ‘witness’ and dish out the secrets he has accumulated during his seductions. This pacifies their superiors, at the very least, for they did manage to get an informant out of the mission, if not the wanted man himself.

“Not gonna tell you shit about the Ivory Fangs,” says Baekhyun, sitting in the police station like a prince, wafting his nails about to dry them. Jongin has put tiny bear stickers on them. Baekhyun seems immensely pleased with his nail art.

Jongdae is less than pleased. “Why not?” He whines, feline. He really wants Baekhyun to whistleblow, but the latter sees no reason to humour him.

“I’ve fucked with a lot of gangs,” Baekhyun continues casually. “I don’t mind selling those out. But the Fangs are just, family, ya know?”

Jongdae has no choice but to agree, because Baekhyun has a right to remain silent and knows it. So Jongdae will take what he can get. The interrogations begin, and it’s usually Jongdae trying to patiently wheedle something out of Baekhyun. “It’s no fun if I give you all the juicy stuff right away,” says Baekhyun, and rambles about how the Bronze Skulls boss had dipped his fingers into forgery and exchanged the forged bills for real bills but he didn’t know that the Fangs had exchanged the real bills he got for the forged bills for forged bills of their own; and the best part was he could tell his own forged bills were forged but he couldn’t tell the Fangs’ bills were duds, because the Fangs always did a better job. “I mean, he really thought he could get a finger in the forgery pie when we owned the bakery, the fuck was he thinking? We showed him. And he kept wanting to put me in tights. I’ve nothing against tights, but he made me sick of them. Isn’t it sad?”

“Tragic,” says Jongdae in a dead voice. “But since the Bronze Skulls are long disbanded, I’d appreciate if you gave us some _useful_ information, like how could you tell the Fangs’ forged bills from real ones, where they’re operating this forgery business from-”

“Don’t be so greedy, I can’t tell you all that,” says Baekhyun merrily. “I’m a poor little underling, I look out for myself, officer, okay?” 

They’re interrupted when Jongin sneaks in to place a strawberry milk in front of Baekhyun. “So he can keep his strength up through the interrogation,” explains Jongin when Jongdae gives him the stinkeye. The stinkeye is cancelled out by the Baekhyun’s fawning expression, anyway; so Jongin gives Baekhyun a gooey look in return and dawdles until Jongdae growls at him to go do his fucking job.

~

Junmyeon and Minseok are cuddling one evening, when the latter idly asks Junmyeon what he’d be like if he were a mob boss.

“I’d style my hair into supervillain horns,” says Junmyeon, and Minseok falls apart laughing, the bed springs wheezing as though they’re laughing too.

“My hair would be red,” continues Junmyeon, “because if a battlecry were a colour, it’d be red. And I’d bare my abs the way Baekhyun bares his tummy. I’d be famous for my abs.”

“Since we’re talking hypotheticals, maybe bulletproof vests will come in transparent varieties then, like bras do,” chuckles Minseok.

“What would you be like as a cop?” 

“I’d be a stripper,” says Minseok, standing on the bed and dancing wiggles. Junmyeon hoots and whistles, throwing monopoly money at his husband.

~

His coworkers all think he is single, so Junmyeon is unsurprised when, in the course of a conversation about Jongin and Baekhyun being insufferable cornballs, he is asked what his ideal type is.

“Morally grey,” sighs Junmyeon dreamily.

“Like fifty shades?” says Jongdae with a cackle. Junmyeon scowls.

“What if you found the morally grey man of your dreams,” says Yixing, “and because he’s morally grey, he commits a crime. Would you choose work over love, or?”

“As long as I’m daydreaming, I don’t want to imagine difficult scenarios or mull over difficult questions,” says Junmyeon diplomatically. Of course he’d choose love.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/trashsshi). talk to me there? ♡  
> please comment, i'd love to hear your thoughts!


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